Mummy's boobs

I was just randomly thinking back to what we were doing roughly this time last week and I started giggling.

We were at the swimming pool in the Haven Holiday Park of Craig Tara and Miss C wanted to come with me whilst I got dried and dressed so she came into the cubicle with me and I start to strip and get dried as quick as possible because hubbie and Miss A were waiting on me.

Miss C shouts as loud as she can "Mummy's boobs, look!!"

There was silence and then a smattering of giggles from across the changing room, the loudest of all coming from the cubicle right beside me that held my mother-in-law.

I wasn't embarrassed as my daughters are slightly obsessed with my chest and like to point it out as often as possible but the swimming pool has family changing rooms meaning men and women share this area and as I left the cubicle I caught the men all glancing at my boobs quite obviously, they weren't hiding what they were doing in front of my husband. Thankfully he was so busy listening to Miss C rambling on that he never noticed so I didn't have to listen to his jealousy but my goodness my daughters know how to pick their moments!

The 'R' word

Redundancy.

It's a horrible word, almost as bad as a swear word but definitely more widely used.

It hasn't affected us until now, we were so thankful that we both still had jobs despite the recession and all the problems both our places of work were experiencing but now we've both been made redundant from both of our works, and our last days are coincidentally the same.

Dunno how I feel about my own redundancy just yet even though I was expecting it and it had plenty of time to sink in but I guess I was just trying to ignore it and hope that something would happen so that nothing would change.

My hubbie is dealing very well with his own redundancy, he's thrown himself into the job search and is enjoying the extra time he now has with his daughters as he feels like he's missed out on so much.

Maybe for me it'll mean a chance to rethink the stay-at-home-mummy plan for a wee while because we can't afford childcare for both our twins and I wouldn't be able to search for part-time work that would suit our situation as it was before the 'R' word interfered.

Something will come up, it always does and there's no point in dwelling on it. It just means for a little while that anything considered a luxury will be scaled down on but as long as our daughters bums are covered and their tummies are full that's all that matters.

Reasons to be cheerful right now

1.

Our daughters are healthy, happy little monsters who are into anything and everything and we wouldn't have them any other way.

2.

I'm in a loving marriage, my husband loves and respects me and this gives me confidence each day.

3.

God never gives you more than what you can cope with and for that I'm grateful.

Redundancy

Hubbie was made redundant on Monday, we were expecting it and he's ok with it but I'm not. I'm not sure what to make of it all. Yes he's getting a redundancy package from his employers and yes the Citizen's Advice have given him some brilliant advice about what to do now, especially as I only work 16 hours a week so they've given Hubbie a list of everyone we both need to notify about the change in our circumstances and all of that but despite everything being very straightforward at the moment I'm still very overwhelmed by it all.

I suppose if we didn't have our twins I wouldn't be feeling like this but I'm scared we might not be able to provide for them as we have been doing, I don't want to have to rely on a higher rate of child tax credits or working tax credits and Hubbie's job seekers allowance to get us through each month, I don't want to have to rely more on family members even though they'll all be willing to help out it's just something that completely goes against the grain for me.

Do I blame my upbringing for my feelings or is it something I've decided upon as I went out into the world of work and becoming independent?

Neither of my Parents have ever relied on anything other than their wages, they never received any benefits etc and only got the usual child allowance for the three of us and despite the fact my Father is classed as disabled because of his diabetes this was something he never claimed on until he was told he had to. When you're raised in a family who never had to rely on government support it's hard to accept that you yourself may have to to keep your family going.

The 'F' word

Our youngest swears because her Daddy swears. 

Oh dear.

We aren't sure how to tackle this other than to glue my husband's mouth shut when he's around our daughters to avoid anymore swear words being repeated.

Fingers crossed our elderly, Churchy relatives will believe she's talking about her cuddly, stuffed frog and not repeating the 'F' word she has heard.

Santa Pressure

Our daughters may only be 21months old but already we're feeling the pressure for Santa to perform and next year is already making us nervous as they'll be old enough to start saying what they want and we won't want to disappoint them as each Christmas is becoming more and more special as they get older and even I am losing my bah humbug status with each year that they are here and am looking forward to all the excitement and joy that a family Christmas brings.

Feeling grateful

Watching Children in Need this year made more of an impact than previous years and that's because I have two healthy brilliant daughters who despite being born four weeks early have no problems, health or developmental, and we're extremely lucky and totally appreciative of that.

Being a Mummy makes things hit harder than they ever did.

Little about me

My twin 8 month old daughters are my life, wherever I go they go with me mostly because during the day I don't have anyone to leave them with but I couldn't imagine going anywhere anymore without them. My maternity leave finishes next month and I'll be returning to work part-time, not through choice but because of the problems the building industry are experiencing right now which is the area I work in.

Though I'm not happy about my hours being cut especially after I've worked for the same person for 7 years I'm happy that my girls and me will still get to spend a whole lot of time together and that I will still have a major role in their developing years rather than letting a nursery worker, someone I don't know and someone who is just doing their job get to see how they will change and maybe hear their first proper words or their first proper steps.

I've been married for three years, sometimes it feels like forever and sometimes it feels like hardly anytime at all. My husband works every hour he can, as a result he doesn't get to spend all that much time with his daughters at night but it's something that must be done for a while yet because trying to keep twins fed and watered and clothed is quite expensive. He's the love of my life and if it wasn't for him doing the best he can we would have to rely a lot more on family which is something we try to avoid.

Our life isn't idyllic or easy-going but life rarely is and we cope with the many problems the best we can as we meet them.