Empty Office

Work is closed this week because of Easter and I'm the only one in.

If I wasn't off sick last week on the one and only day I work I wouldn't be in either, I'd be at home preferably still curled up in bed whilst hubbie takes the kids to his Mum's for the day letting me have a day to myself after the mare of a day I had yesterday (dunno what was up with our girls but the terrible twos were rearing their naughty little heads).

Instead of enjoying the peace and quiet I'm in work about to try and keep busy in work for 8 hours in complete silence because I cannot get my speakers working on my computer. Not amused.

So if any of you are out enjoying the sunshine think of me stuck in the office, with only the tick tock of the wall clock to keep me company, slowly counting down the minutes until I get out of here.

The 'R' word

Redundancy.

It's a horrible word, almost as bad as a swear word but definitely more widely used.

It hasn't affected us until now, we were so thankful that we both still had jobs despite the recession and all the problems both our places of work were experiencing but now we've both been made redundant from both of our works, and our last days are coincidentally the same.

Dunno how I feel about my own redundancy just yet even though I was expecting it and it had plenty of time to sink in but I guess I was just trying to ignore it and hope that something would happen so that nothing would change.

My hubbie is dealing very well with his own redundancy, he's thrown himself into the job search and is enjoying the extra time he now has with his daughters as he feels like he's missed out on so much.

Maybe for me it'll mean a chance to rethink the stay-at-home-mummy plan for a wee while because we can't afford childcare for both our twins and I wouldn't be able to search for part-time work that would suit our situation as it was before the 'R' word interfered.

Something will come up, it always does and there's no point in dwelling on it. It just means for a little while that anything considered a luxury will be scaled down on but as long as our daughters bums are covered and their tummies are full that's all that matters.

Redundancy

Hubbie was made redundant on Monday, we were expecting it and he's ok with it but I'm not. I'm not sure what to make of it all. Yes he's getting a redundancy package from his employers and yes the Citizen's Advice have given him some brilliant advice about what to do now, especially as I only work 16 hours a week so they've given Hubbie a list of everyone we both need to notify about the change in our circumstances and all of that but despite everything being very straightforward at the moment I'm still very overwhelmed by it all.

I suppose if we didn't have our twins I wouldn't be feeling like this but I'm scared we might not be able to provide for them as we have been doing, I don't want to have to rely on a higher rate of child tax credits or working tax credits and Hubbie's job seekers allowance to get us through each month, I don't want to have to rely more on family members even though they'll all be willing to help out it's just something that completely goes against the grain for me.

Do I blame my upbringing for my feelings or is it something I've decided upon as I went out into the world of work and becoming independent?

Neither of my Parents have ever relied on anything other than their wages, they never received any benefits etc and only got the usual child allowance for the three of us and despite the fact my Father is classed as disabled because of his diabetes this was something he never claimed on until he was told he had to. When you're raised in a family who never had to rely on government support it's hard to accept that you yourself may have to to keep your family going.

Little about me

My twin 8 month old daughters are my life, wherever I go they go with me mostly because during the day I don't have anyone to leave them with but I couldn't imagine going anywhere anymore without them. My maternity leave finishes next month and I'll be returning to work part-time, not through choice but because of the problems the building industry are experiencing right now which is the area I work in.

Though I'm not happy about my hours being cut especially after I've worked for the same person for 7 years I'm happy that my girls and me will still get to spend a whole lot of time together and that I will still have a major role in their developing years rather than letting a nursery worker, someone I don't know and someone who is just doing their job get to see how they will change and maybe hear their first proper words or their first proper steps.

I've been married for three years, sometimes it feels like forever and sometimes it feels like hardly anytime at all. My husband works every hour he can, as a result he doesn't get to spend all that much time with his daughters at night but it's something that must be done for a while yet because trying to keep twins fed and watered and clothed is quite expensive. He's the love of my life and if it wasn't for him doing the best he can we would have to rely a lot more on family which is something we try to avoid.

Our life isn't idyllic or easy-going but life rarely is and we cope with the many problems the best we can as we meet them.